Thing 2: Are we going to talk about our journey back to the ice ages?
Thing 1: I’ve still been thawing out. One might have thought our expedition in search of something to review would have warmed the hide, but unfortunately the new Chipotle location in Lehi left much heat to be desired.
Thing 2: Industrial chic is not cool for restaurants, or in this case it was.
Thing 1: You would think that a restaurant featuring cuisine I normally associate warmth and vibrancy wouldn’t look so… drab.
Thing 2: Yeah, also most uncomfortable table EVER! I’m four feet off the ground… four feet off the ground. They’re slippery and there’s no back!
Thing 1: Not to mention the flat, metal table tops and unpickable upable trays. *ponders phrase and moves on from frustration not dissimilar to trying to retrieve the flat thing off a flat surface* In addition to lacking charm the decor also lacked the ability to retain heat.
Thing 2: No, the tables didn’t just lack heat. They sucked it from everything. Speaking of no heat, did our server vaguely remind you of the lunch lady from someone’s grade school. The mean lunch lady. Or maybe the Trunchbull from Matilda.
Thing 1: You mean with her fast talking an impatience for any questions about the options?
Thing 2: Yep.
Thing 1: I might have notice that. At least she didn’t threaten to throw us in the Chokey.
Thing 2: I’m pretty sure it was a close thing.
Thign 1: Oh, and the lack of eye contact. I am not beneath her.
Thing 2: Well no. You were taller than her. Duh.
Thing 1: Now, now. Don’t be jealous of my stature.
Thing 2: You’re not any taller than I am.
Thing 1: That’s a matter of perspective.
Thing 2: Yes, but your skewed view is not what the rest of the world sees. Back to the restaurant review.
Thing 1: Wise choice. I’d smother you.
Thing 2: You’d try. I’ve never been so disappointed in a place I’ve heard so much about.
Thing 1: We can’t even blame it all on the location being barely open.
Thing 2: I could have dealt with slightly rude customer service and the building being cold, except so was my food. Strike that. All of my food was cold except the medium sauce. Which had my lips burning for the next two hours.
Thing 1: I got the hot sauce.
Thing 2: Was your hot sauce hot?
Thing 1: It was quite spicy, yet cold at the same time. Odd. *shakes head in bepuzzlement* Not even that heat could warm up my food, the restaurant, or my innards.
Thing 2: *opens her mouth to speak* Nope. Nope. Too easy. To be honest, if this were a movie I would have needed twenty Princess Bride quotes to get through it. Why didn’t princess bride have any dragons? Serious undercutting of a minority.
Thing 1: Because they chose to highlight the rodents instead?
Thing 2: Dragons. Rodents of Unusual Sizes. Same thing. Underrepresented minorities in the movies.
Thing 1: Better representation than bird brains get. See the jewelry, swords, whatever merchandise selection.
Thing 2: Fortunately, phoenixes don’t need the limelight like dragons do. They’re too busy creating their own light.
Thing 1: Or being blinded by it.
Thing 2: Well, at least my age hasn’t blinded me to the point I need glasses. In any case, I’m not sure about this new location for Chipotle. Not that I’ve been to the others.
Thing 1: I’ve visited their other far-off locations and vaguely recall enjoying them, but this time… No. There is no desire for a return trip.
Thing 2: I’ll be honest, this was my first trip to Chipotle. I think it might be my last.
Thing 1: Well, at least you won’t have to worry about it dimming your looks by frostbite again.
Thing 2: I’m not so sure about that. I’m sure I lost some to frostbite already. Dear Chipotle, that much glass doesn’t do anyone any good.
Thing 1: Forsooth.
Thing 2: Oh boy, the cold sent her back to the medieval times.
Thing 1: Yea, verily. Off to get a savory pudding.
Thing 2: Have you been reading Fyrecon’s drafts?
Thing 1: Good scripts should always be sought out.
Thing 2: I wonder if our new home will build us a cave I can hide in.
Thing 1: Or a spaceship to send you off in so that I might get a moment’s peace from your incessant chattering.
Thing 2: Oh, I have an idea of what we can do so that you don’t have to hear my chatter.
Thing 1: I’m sure. But for now, I’ll bid our readers a fond ado.
Thing 2: I hope this doesn’t last too long. The next thing you know she’ll be speaking in a bad British accent. Which for her is Scottish.
Thing 1: Forsooth.
To have reviews done by Thing 1 and Thing 2 or for any questions you care to dream up, email thing1thing2@sibscript.org.